It was something I'd wanted for years ... a Winter escape to a warmer climate. The resort was lovely, my family was happy and the weather was perfect ... so why was I in bed, tired, tense and upset? Feeling like more of a burden than a blessing. That used to be a familiar feeling, but this year was supposed to be different, and this holiday was all about family, fun and fellowship.
I had weathered the start of Winter pretty well, knowing it's often a tricky season for me. I was determined for this year to be better and thought I was doing well, but after packing and travelling to the Gold Coast, I was wrecked. One day I was even too tired to walk across the road to the beach. Normally, I'd love a chance to go back to bed and read and write, but I was fixated on the type of wife and mother I wanted to be ... energetic, carefree and adventurous ... and I was certain that I fell short. Hmmph.
So much for 'glowing' ... I felt guilty, sad, useless and burdensome.
I went to bed like a toddler reluctant to accept that it's nap time.. After I sulked and prayed, a few thoughts came to mind, and knowing how writing often helps me sort out my worries, I scribbled furiously, hoping to find the solution. I started thinking about people I know, much sicker than me, who are loved, cherished and well known for being a blessing. Never would I think of them as a burden.
What makes these beautiful souls such a blessing to others?
* A lovely lady with MS, praising and thanking God, trusting in Him.
* An elderly friend battling cancer with a smile, spreading joy, uplifting everyone.
* A cheeky boy with Cerebral Palsy making everyone smile with his infectious laughter.
If they can do all this, why can't I?
Was I really a burden, or just forgetting to give myself credit for what I actually did?
Was I so worried about what I was missing that I couldn't see what was right there in front of me? So busy seeing my shortcomings that I didn't give myself credit for little victories?
How could I face troubles more gracefully and see myself as less of a burden?
Could I actually determine to be a blessing?
The first solution that came to mind was about how I handle adversity.
Everyone has ups and downs and my coping skills needed a tune-up.
Instead of getting so frustrated, I could try to:
* Accept my limitations more gracefully
* Do all I can ... even if that is only washing breakfast dishes
* Ask humbly for help rather than resentfully battling on
* Be sensible about rest when warning signs appear
* Focus on things above more than things of this world
Next step, a reality check ... how do people really see me?
I have always been thankful that so many incredible people choose to love me. Most are flat out carrying their own burdens, but little gestures mean a lot, whether it's words of encouragement, text messages with Bible verses or graciously accepting another change of plans. I know that people do things for me willingly, lovingly, and I make the most of opportunities to return the favour ... but still I worry ...
I worry about my husband, who works all day then takes on most of the housework when I am overcome with fatigue and just managing the basics, sometimes for months at a time.
I worry about my children who sometimes miss activities when I'm too tired to take them.
I worry about my Mum and best friends who hear of my naps, frustrations and insecurities.
In my mind these worries can get blown out of proportion until I become a monster to be feared, despised and ... STOP!
I know that's not true ... people love to help, they think kindly of me and enjoy my company. They already see me as a blessing. It's how I see myself that needs tweaking.
When I'm struggling with anxiety, depression or overwhelm, I sometimes need a change of perspective.
I am adjusting my focus, zooming in on:
Gratitude instead of Guilt
When I am weak and someone else takes the heavy load, I can choose to respond with gratitude instead of dwelling on how guilty I feel about being unable to do it all.
As I feel blessed when I help people, they might feel the same way if I let them help me.
Abundance instead of Inadequacy
Focus on what I CAN do, not what I can't. Rejoice in the abundance the Lord has provided. Be fully present when I AM with people. Appreciate where I am and what I have.
Saving instead of Spending
I might not earn money right now, but I can find ways to save, and should give myself credit for the many ways I already save.
Praise instead of Pain
Pain is part of living. I feel bad when people are in pain, and there is a lot of pain around! Instead of letting it get me down, I can pray, and praise the Lord knowing it will pass. It's comforting to know He will return and one day there will be no more human suffering.
Thrive instead of Survive
Enjoy life. Create pockets of calm, and find ways to thrive in the midst of chaos. Don't imagine my family would be better off without me. Accept that even though I am not perfect, my life CAN bless others. Even on the tough days I am not alone, I can focus on above and shine because He is my everything.
Energy instead of Tiredness
Create energy by being energetic ... enthusiastic, creative, proactive, imaginative.
Create an atmosphere of energy with music, candles, sunshine, outdoor activity.
Doing these things is about more than faking it until I make it ... these little actions are like circuit breakers, and they help me to think less, "Think less, DO more!"
Luxury instead of Laziness
A change of pace is sometimes necessary and I can usually rest when I need to, but have a bad habit of feeling guilty about it. When I need to rest, why not do it wholeheartedly? Turn off my tendency to judge myself. Savour the luxury of each opportunity to be comfortable and still, slow down, pray, read the Word, write cards to encourage people, make a list of small things I can do when I feel better.
I had weathered the start of Winter pretty well, knowing it's often a tricky season for me. I was determined for this year to be better and thought I was doing well, but after packing and travelling to the Gold Coast, I was wrecked. One day I was even too tired to walk across the road to the beach. Normally, I'd love a chance to go back to bed and read and write, but I was fixated on the type of wife and mother I wanted to be ... energetic, carefree and adventurous ... and I was certain that I fell short. Hmmph.
So much for 'glowing' ... I felt guilty, sad, useless and burdensome.
I went to bed like a toddler reluctant to accept that it's nap time.. After I sulked and prayed, a few thoughts came to mind, and knowing how writing often helps me sort out my worries, I scribbled furiously, hoping to find the solution. I started thinking about people I know, much sicker than me, who are loved, cherished and well known for being a blessing. Never would I think of them as a burden.
What makes these beautiful souls such a blessing to others?
* A lovely lady with MS, praising and thanking God, trusting in Him.
* An elderly friend battling cancer with a smile, spreading joy, uplifting everyone.
* A cheeky boy with Cerebral Palsy making everyone smile with his infectious laughter.
If they can do all this, why can't I?
Was I really a burden, or just forgetting to give myself credit for what I actually did?
Was I so worried about what I was missing that I couldn't see what was right there in front of me? So busy seeing my shortcomings that I didn't give myself credit for little victories?
How could I face troubles more gracefully and see myself as less of a burden?
Could I actually determine to be a blessing?
The first solution that came to mind was about how I handle adversity.
Everyone has ups and downs and my coping skills needed a tune-up.
Instead of getting so frustrated, I could try to:
* Accept my limitations more gracefully
* Do all I can ... even if that is only washing breakfast dishes
* Ask humbly for help rather than resentfully battling on
* Be sensible about rest when warning signs appear
* Focus on things above more than things of this world
Next step, a reality check ... how do people really see me?
I have always been thankful that so many incredible people choose to love me. Most are flat out carrying their own burdens, but little gestures mean a lot, whether it's words of encouragement, text messages with Bible verses or graciously accepting another change of plans. I know that people do things for me willingly, lovingly, and I make the most of opportunities to return the favour ... but still I worry ...
I worry about my husband, who works all day then takes on most of the housework when I am overcome with fatigue and just managing the basics, sometimes for months at a time.
I worry about my children who sometimes miss activities when I'm too tired to take them.
I worry about my Mum and best friends who hear of my naps, frustrations and insecurities.
In my mind these worries can get blown out of proportion until I become a monster to be feared, despised and ... STOP!
I know that's not true ... people love to help, they think kindly of me and enjoy my company. They already see me as a blessing. It's how I see myself that needs tweaking.
When I'm struggling with anxiety, depression or overwhelm, I sometimes need a change of perspective.
I am adjusting my focus, zooming in on:
Gratitude instead of Guilt
When I am weak and someone else takes the heavy load, I can choose to respond with gratitude instead of dwelling on how guilty I feel about being unable to do it all.
As I feel blessed when I help people, they might feel the same way if I let them help me.
Abundance instead of Inadequacy
Focus on what I CAN do, not what I can't. Rejoice in the abundance the Lord has provided. Be fully present when I AM with people. Appreciate where I am and what I have.
Saving instead of Spending
I might not earn money right now, but I can find ways to save, and should give myself credit for the many ways I already save.
Praise instead of Pain
Pain is part of living. I feel bad when people are in pain, and there is a lot of pain around! Instead of letting it get me down, I can pray, and praise the Lord knowing it will pass. It's comforting to know He will return and one day there will be no more human suffering.
Thrive instead of Survive
Enjoy life. Create pockets of calm, and find ways to thrive in the midst of chaos. Don't imagine my family would be better off without me. Accept that even though I am not perfect, my life CAN bless others. Even on the tough days I am not alone, I can focus on above and shine because He is my everything.
Energy instead of Tiredness
Create energy by being energetic ... enthusiastic, creative, proactive, imaginative.
Create an atmosphere of energy with music, candles, sunshine, outdoor activity.
Doing these things is about more than faking it until I make it ... these little actions are like circuit breakers, and they help me to think less, "Think less, DO more!"
Luxury instead of Laziness
A change of pace is sometimes necessary and I can usually rest when I need to, but have a bad habit of feeling guilty about it. When I need to rest, why not do it wholeheartedly? Turn off my tendency to judge myself. Savour the luxury of each opportunity to be comfortable and still, slow down, pray, read the Word, write cards to encourage people, make a list of small things I can do when I feel better.
I learned some lessons by facing my fear of being a burden that afternoon. I felt better after having a rest, praying and looking at things from a different perspective. Letting go of my expectations and self-appointed roles dissolved my frustration and freed up energy for what really mattered. Over the next few days we made it to our meetings, saw friends and enjoyed putt putt golf, pools and water-slides, movies and family time.
I forgot to take many photos of our holiday ... I was just content to enjoy the moments, still sometimes exhausted, still overcoming, but determined to be a blessing.